The Art of Concentration

My career in education has spanned over fourteen years, it would be natural to assume that I've become an expert in maintaining concentration. I'm going to be honest, the reality of the situation is that I often find myself staring at the blank wall, completely forgetting I had very important work to get done and staring at the mass of papers on my cork board is doing nothing to help. I think it's fair to assume most of us are like this. In the world of technology their are millions of distractions just coming from one tiny machine - our phone. (or in my case the wall which is neither new or as interesting as social media). 

A few weeks ago, I sat in a 'tips for revision session', not going to lie, I was excited for this session. Yes it was aimed at students three years younger than me but skills can be transferred across the years. The only downside? The person running this session graduated university in 1997. Now, this is where everything went wrong. If you want to give students tips on how to concentrate don't relate the stories back to your educational career because I can guarantee your experience was very different to what we are going through now. Adults like to do this fun thing where they insist that "we have it much better now" "exams were so much harder in our day". First of all: Don't listen to these people. They are wrong and misguided. Education isn't easier, it's just different. We are more aware that students learn differently and that education cannot be streamlined. Education has become more fair and inclusive. Nevertheless, someone who graduated UNIVERSITY in 1997 (aka 19 years ago) should not be telling me how to revise without getting distracted by my friends wanting to hang out, because you don't even have to leave your room now to talk to your friends. How anti-social. Needless to say this session was a bit of a disappointment.

I definitely believe university has developed my ability to independently learn. The reality of the situation is if I didn't do everything independently I wouldn't be learning very much. So here are a few tips I've found that help me study:

Tea.

A good cup of tea is the way to prepare the mind for studying. Or something like that. Personally, making a cup of tea is a good way to start doing your work. Make a cup, set it down at your desk, open up the computer and your ready to get started. It's also an excellent break time activity. Want to stop working for five minutes? Make a cup of tea. You leave your work station, move around a bit, and you hopefully get to chat with another human, if your near an animal you probably get to give that a cuddle. When I'm revising I drink so much tea it might be unhealthy, but I always find tea helps in every situation. (Obviously tea doesn't have to be the drink of choice)

Environment

Usually, I work at my desk in my room but recently (as mentioned in the starting paragraph) I've found myself getting distracted whilst sat at my desk. As problematic as this is (because I quite like my university room), I have found other areas that are great for working. For some reason this term I've found our living room a really good place to work in. In fact, I'm writing this in my lounge. Another good place is the library. Specifically the library in the evening after dinner. I sometimes spend two or three hours there in the evening and then come back to the flat, feeling extremely productive and then I feel happy to spend the rest of the night watching Netflix or hanging out with my flatmates. Obviously, wherever you chose to work, I've found my space has to be tidy. A messy work space is so inconvenient and distracting. Tidiness is the key thing here. Work in a tidy area and everything will be fine. 

                                                                                      Destroy Social Media. 

No, do not study in something that looks like this

Okay this is a bit dramatic but seriously. I have not perfected the "don't go on social media when working thing" but I'm trying. Just don't go on it. Tumblr is a dangerous thing and you can scroll mindlessly for hours and not notice. Just don't.

Breaks

Don't work for hours straight. just don't. Do you remember the tea thing? Yeah go make a drink or get a biscuit. Or lie on your floor for ten minutes and contemplate life. Whatever you want to do, go do it. For my birthday my friend gave me a colouring book which will be my break time activity for revision. The moment you start to feel tired and bored? Move away from your work. It will feel as if you're wasting time by taking breaks but you will work for much longer. Sometimes as a break I change study locations. I move from my flat to the library. That's a decent fifteen minute walk. 

                                                                                       Music

Doesn't this look so much better wow. 

Do you listen to music or not? To be honest I have no idea. I usually listen to music just because I find silence very distracting. But at the same time I do turn my music off because I need to concentrate in silence. Science probably has something to do with this. Spotify is great thing and I 100% reccomend downloading it, playing a playlist with unknown music is a great way to concentrate because you don't know the songs and you can find new artists. Multi-tasking right there. 

Friends

From past experience I've found studying with friends often results in conversation and no work. So at university I've just avoided it completely, unless we go to the quiet areas in the library because then there is no way for us to talk. 

Snacks

A good biscuit or grape is a good way to go here. If we're talking about food in general, plan to have really exciting food for lunch and dinner. That way you have something to look forward to. 

Stationary

I love a good set of stationary, nothing gets me more excited to be honest. Just have nice pens and notebooks. it will make everything look and feel better. 

Time and Perspective

It's like time is slipping through my fingers. The moments between September and March feel like nothing at all. I'm desperately trying to press pause, just to get everything to slow down so that I can keep up. It's like I'm constantly in a crowd of thousands. They're bustling and pushing and rushing for no reason at all. But the reality of the situation is that I'm sat with maybe five people in a very large room but I can't seem to focus. Autopilot is activated and I don't know how to stop it.

I look back to August, when I lived in the town that had been my home for eighteen years. Everything was the same and it was so frustrating. The streets used to have me longing for something different and new. I wanted to get out and do something exciting. I now look back and feel fear. I wanted this change and wanted it to happen now. Well it is now. Now everything around me is different but also nothing has changed. I'm not entirely sure what I'm looking for. What I have now is 'it' but it also isn't 'it'. I don't even know what 'it' is. I feel both overwhelmed and underwhelmed.

Writer and poet Jorge Luis Borges wrote a short story describing his two selves. I can't help but relate. It's as if there are two of me, the person everyone see's and then the thoughts inside my head that just can't belong to the same individual. People throw around adjectives and I just can't connect them. The string is broken, frayed and torn. And then I remember that society teaches girls to think negatively about themselves and maybe I'm just a product of that teaching. I know it's wrong but 18 years of practice and I should almost be perfect. Everything is fine really, but I sometimes lose myself and its like I've returned back to 2010. I think I know who the 'real' me is but I also think I'm taking this way too seriously.

I'm trying to outgrow the 'looking negatively at life' thing but watching others live with closed minds and narrow hearts tires me out. Watching people who've grown up with so much more than I have, and have had so many benefits to their life but still can't see the positive in situations is exhausting.

I'm slowly realising that trying to get these people to think differently is futile.

The negative mindset is addictive and dangerous. But then again reminding yourself that no matter how hard life feels, being alive is amazing and exciting can't be so difficult. Or maybe the ability to separate one's self from a situation and evaluate it is a skill I'm taking for granted. Maybe a little more human understanding is in order.

I've learned that most things are mind over matter. The mind tends to overreact and exaggerate everything. Time moves whether you want it to and something that caused life to look so bleak and dark will hopefully turn into light one day. No matter how much I look back to August, I don't really want to be back there. And although it absolutely terrifies me, the speed at which my life is travelling is exciting. It means I have to get things done before my time here runs out.

I'm almost a year older, and although I wrote a letter to my younger self last year, I can already see differences between that author and the person writing this today.

Time is strange, but perspective is even stranger.

Why Student Grants Matter.

Last week less twenty MP's voted to scrap student maintenance grants. Currently half a million students receive money from the government in the form of a maintenance grant. I am included in that figure.

I knew from the get go that going to university would result in debt. I knew that. Due to my families financial situation I realised I would receive the highest amount of money in regards to the maintenance loan and grant. This also means when I leave university in three years I will be in more debt than my peers. 

The maintenance grant I receive is basically what I use to pay for necessities like food, tea and books. My student loan is spent on my accommodation fees. The money I receive in the form of a grant basically keeps me alive and allows me to purchase resources necessary for study. The grant allowed me to move away from home and go to my first choice university without having to live on beans and toast crying about finances for three years. 

Sure, scrapping the maintenance grant won't really effect students, they'll get the money in loan form. They won't be getting 'less' money. To be quite honest this view is very basic and only takes into account the short term. Yes the fact the poorer students won't be getting less money is a good thing, of course it is. It's the debt they'll be in afterwards that will cause issues. Poorer students will be in significantly higher dept than someone from a wealthier background. How is this fair? How is this not going to put people off from attending university? (Listen, David Cameron I know you're still confident that students will still apply to university but stop)

University should be available for everyone, despite their financial situation. I personally would not have been able to attend any university, and definitely not the Russell Group university I got into, if I wasn't receiving a student loan and grant. Going to university was a dream I  held for at least a decade. The issue surrounding money didn't concern me until about 2012 when tuition fees increased to £9000. Even then I still wanted to go, I knew student loans existed and because my cousins had recently attended. I knew the payment system wasn't too harsh. I've accepted that in 3 years I will leave with over £40,000 in student debt and that's not even counting the interest. 

The fact is some students entering education in 2016 will have higher debt that that is unthinkable and so unfair. Would I be rethinking attending university if I was in their position? Absolutely. This decision to remove grants will effect thousands of people and should not have been in the hands of so few individuals.

I'm not sure what it's like to go to university knowing that money won't be an issue, and most of my friends don't either. We're in our first year and at least half of the people I know have already gone into their overdraft due to high accommodation and living costs. Yes, the student maintenance grants cost the tax payer 1.5bn per year but surely it is better to invest money into the higher education of our young people rather than in other areas (*cough*  Syria air strikes and the trident programme *cough*). 

More information:

Redbrick (Yes I wrote this, yes this is my university newspaper)

The Independent 

The Guardian 

Long Time No See

Read the following section very carefully, this was written by a girl who had hopes. Had dreams. Had positive expectations for the next few hours. She was definitely planning on typing the blog post up the moment she arrived back at university. This is being typed three days later so you can only imagine the ending to this story.


I've been spending a lot of time on trains recently. In fact, I'm on a train right now writing this. What a cliche. It probably doesn't help that I have my hair in what can only be described as a messy bun and I'm also wearing a huge scarf and dungarees. 

It's November and I can no longer ignore the fact I am officially a university student. Studying for a degree like a human with educational ambitions and what not. I suppose it would feel more real if I had more contact hours and didn't spend 90% of time in a state of "well I hope this is correct someone please help me." I'm basically paying £9000 to sit alone a read books, what a good use of money. 

Back to the train situation - I am really not built for this travelling malarkey. I am probably on several peoples hit list for bashing them with my bags. I am small, it's difficult to reach the overhead shelves okay angry adults that glare at me??

That being said, I don't particularly hate trains - just the fact I have to carry heavy bags everywhere. It doesn't stop me though. For instance today I'm heading back to university with a heavy rucksack and two more heavy bags. I will definitely regret this when I get back to my flat with aching limbs and tears running down my face.

Height is proving to be both an issue on trains and at university. I am convinced my flat was built specifically for the taller individuals walking among us because I can't open any of the windows without having to stand on some sort of furniture (kitchen work surface, toilet, bed for example)

I've also decided to become a parent of two tiny cacti. I've been told they will grow into larger cacti which is a bit daunting if I'm honest. I also haven't watered them since I bought them a month ago - maybe I'm not ready to be a parent just yet.



That, my friends is where train Megan leaves us. She got hungry and then listened to a podcast.

Back to where this all went a little wrong and stressful. If I had less luggage it might have been a bit easier, but I thought it would be clever to bring a good few books back to university and destroy my arms. Pulling up to the second stop of the journey, we were informed that on the line ahead a train had broken down and we had to wait until it had been fixed. I wasn't particularly alarmed by this, I was in no rush and my electronics had sufficient charge - I would have happily sat there for an hour or so to be quite honest. Ten minutes later, we were pretty much told that we were going to have to get on another train to reach Birmingham aka my destination. Now, I had no excuse but to follow everyone off the train to find the other platform (which may I add was extremely far away and I was beginning to regret the bags the moment I attempted to climb the stairs).

Long story short, I ended up catching four trains that day, arriving back to the flat an hour late wanting to sleep for about five years after struggling with my bags. May I also add a police officer on a bike passed me whilst I was struggling and all he had to say was "your bags look heavy" like really thank you for that observation kind sir I'm so glad you are protecting our streets. Jokes, police are good keep doing whatever you do and please help tired teenage girls carrying heavy bags.

All this made me forget to write up my blog post but here I am, typing, for you. To be honest, university in general has caused forgetfulness in relation to this blog. Big changes equals no writing apparently.

Although, I have been writing, I write for the university newspaper, Redbrick (www.redbrick.me plug plug plug). I'm a news writer now, how official.

I still haven't watered the Cacti and all that reading I'm paying £9000 for? Yeah I have a lot of it to do right now. I also need to go to the shop to buy things for vegetable lasagne. Meals that make 6 meals in one go is my new favourite thing, by the way.

1st July 2015 | Hottest Day Of The Year?!

Not going to lie, I'm not a huge fan of summer. Sure, it's nice to sit in the garden under the sun reading a good book. Sure, it's absolutely wonderful to go outside and not fear rain. Sure, it's lovely wearing dresses and sandals and hats. What's not so great? The heat. The warm, stifling heat that, to be honest, makes me want to roll around on the ground and weep. Except, I won't do that, because the ground is warm and my tears will probably instantly evaporate off of my face because it's so bloody hot.

As a Briton, I have spent a fair share of my time discussing the weather, if fact during my job interview I spent about five minutes talking about the horrific wind with the interviewer. Therefore, I use my nationality as justification for what this blog post will become (basically a huge complaint about heat and what not).

Now, I'm not adapted for the warm weather. I'm really not. I burn the instant I come into contact with the sun. Well, not quite. But I am currently nursing two arms that were victims of the sunlight on Monday. But yes, my pale complexion means I have no choice but to apply SPF 40 each day and the stickiness from sun cream is not the best thing in the world let me tell you.

Although, until today, I don't think I've ever felt enraged by the heat. There I was in the kitchen, cooking potato waffles having an okayish time when I started the get a bit warm. Y'know what, I thought, I'll open the door, let a bit of air in to cool this room down. Oh boy was I mistaken. Turns out, my kitchen / house in general was cooler than the outside world, which meant the instant I opened the door the room began to get warmer. WARMER. Naturally I had no choice but to shut the door and wait for the room (and myself) to cool down. Which took forever because air conditioning is a thing we don't have.

But why didn't I just go outside and enjoy this wonderful heat? Why? Oh let me tell you, humidity, that's why. I'm sorry, but what is great about sitting still in air that just feels heavy? Also yeah, those two arms that are burnt mean I can't go outside without wearing a cardigan. Let me tell you, that extra layer does nothing but make me even warmer.

I'm still baffled that people actually enjoy this weather.

I cannot wait for Autumn.

Taylor Swift | June 24th 2015

During the introduction of the I Knew You Were Trouble music video there is the following sentence (or utterance, because she's speaking it. Oh yeah, I remember things from my English A Level)

"I think, I think when it's all over it just comes back in flashes, you know? 

It's like a kaleidoscope of memories which all comes back"

I feel like this pretty much sums up my current emotion / memory state in relation to the 1989 Tour. 

It's been two days since the Manchester leg of the 1989 World Tour and I honestly still believe I was there. I sent a text message to my friend, jokingly describing how before, during and after the concert the experience wouldn't feel real. Well my jokes have become a reality because the fact I was stood in a crowd of 15000 people singing and dancing along to Miss Swift two nights ago? Yeah, it does not feel real. I have these memories of the night - the shaking and intense happiness at the beginning of Welcome to New York, the incredible speech's before Clean and All You Had To Do Was Stay and the realisation that there was only 30 (ish) minutes remaining when I saw it was 10.10pm. When you've waited so long for something, I guess it's expected to feel a little unreal.

The truth is that I have grown up with Taylor in my life, if my eleven year old self had not fallen in love with the fearless album I might not even be the same person. I'd like to think I wouldn't be so different but seven years is a long time to have someone in your life. Or at least influencing your life. 

My social media's no longer illustrate my inner Taylor Swift fangirl, but go back three or four years (especially on instagram) and everything pretty much linked back to the country singer that had pretty much taken my heart the day I hear Love Story playing on the radio. My social sites now are more personalised I guess, maybe it's a symptom of growing up or maybe it's because I've chosen to express more of myself online. Who know's, all I know is I still completely adore Taylor - how could I not? Her posters are still on my wall, her lyrics are still hand painted above my bed and a section of my shelf is still dedicated to her albums and merch. Although her influence within my life mirrors the stories of thousands, I still wouldn't ask for anyone else to look up to. 

I can still remember watching the music video for Teardrops On My Guitar and realising that "oh, this is the same girl that sings Love Story" and pretty much heading straight for YouTube to hunt for more music. Breathe and White Horse were the favourites. 

I can still remember the phone call with my Grandma when I asked for the Fearless Platinum edition CD for Christmas in 2009 because owning the songs digitally was not enough. I still remember trying to convince my Grandma that fearless was a real word. That phone call conversation was tough.

I can still remember buying Taylor's first album on the 27th December 2009 and having The Outside playing over and over again in my head when we traveled to the theater to watch a pantomime. 

I can still remember the Speak Now and Red albums arriving on the Saturday, two days early and taking my laptop to my Grandma's house so I could instantly listen instead of waiting until we went back home. 

I still remember writing and essay in year 9 analysing why Miss Swift was a good role model (or something. In the end it turned out I (and 99% of the class) had completely done the project wrong. Apparently we had to include proof that the individual had not been to jail or done drugs. I mean how are we supposed to get proof for that kind of information, seriously)

I can still remember the disappointment when I realised I would have to wait five days after the release date to listen to 1989 because I was in France. Visiting Paris kind of softened that disappointment because PARIS. 

I can still remember the sadness when we couldn't go to the Speak Now tour. The sadness when the Red Tour only went to London. I'm thankful for the internet, living vicariously through others has been great. (This may be taken sarcastically. It isn't, I swear.) 

I can still remember the complete joy when I walked out of English on the Friday morning to find out the we, Gaby and I, had finally managed to get Taylor Swift tickets. Like what. Us. Two girls who had been listening to Taylor for seven years were finally going to see her. Incredible. Impossible. 

Possible. Unreal. Amazing. (I can also hear my english teacher yelling because I've used the phrase "I can still remember" too many times.)

And so, at eighteen years of age, the age Taylor Swift was when we found her music, we finally experienced a Taylor Swift concert. Did I mention how dream-like this feels? 

We were in block 216 row M aka full on side view seats, five rows from the back of the arena. Was this a terrible thing? Well, I realised the moment I took my seat if I jumped too furiously I might fall to my death because we were so high up. In relation to the show? Yeah, I think we had pretty good seats mainly because we could see everything. We could even see the back of the stage which resulted in several exciting moments were we could all see Taylor when everyone else couldn't. Listen, I waited seven years for this the little things made me excited okay. It also didn't help that I'm fascinated with behind the scenes stuff. Did I mention that we all received free light up wrist bands? Yeah the effect of those looked pretty amazing from way up high. 

The truth is, I can't even begin to put into words what happened on Wednesday evening. I know that throughout the whole thing I was basically stood there thinking "HOW IS THAT TAYLOR SWIFT RIGHT THERE. HOW AM I HERE. HOW HAVE I NOT LOST MY VOICE YET. HOW IS THIS REAL. HOW IS SHAKE IT OFF ALREADY PLAYING."

There was a lot of external and internal screaming. 

The memories of Wednesday night come back in flashes. Like a kaleidoscope. I remember reading somewhere that when you think of a memory, you aren't remembering the actual event, but you are remembering the last the time you thought about the said memory. I'm glad I chose to watch, instead of trying to get the best videos and pictures possible (although the two video's I did capture? Yeah, I will treasure those for the rest of my life). 

The night of June 24th 2015 was magical and extraordinary. I was truly enchanted to be in the same room as you, Taylor Swift. 

Entering the Big Bad World

Let me paint you a picture, it's June 18th (a significant day for many reasons: It's my friends birthday, it's the first day of no revision/school work for about three months, and it's also the day I regretably told my Mother I would remove the revision piles that had appeared on my floor. By piles I just mean a huge mess. I did not want to clear it up), the sun is shining, I'm wearing a Harry Potter t-shirt and I'm in the kitchen making a cup of tea in an effort to motivate myself to tackle all the clearing, dusting and hoovering. To be honest, I would much rather be preparing to watch the new series of Orange Is The New Black.

I like to think this is the calm before the storm. Or the intense drizzle shower. It wasn't that dramatic

Meanwhile, outside in the sunlight that I wouldn't get to enjoy for a few hours, my mother and neighbour were engaging in conversation dedicated to gossip about our other nieghbours. Outside they were doing this. Outside with the high risk of the others hearing them. How embarrassing. Regardless, I went outside and joined them. Don't judge me, I pay my taxes. (I don't.) (Not that I have to yet, I'm 18 and unemployed for at least another month, so if any government individual is reading this I promise I'm not breaking the law.)

Anyway, after the scandalous gossip, that to be honest was pretty disappointing after I realised I didn't really care, my mum decided this was an appropriate time to announce that I had completed all my exams and that I was finished with school forever.

Forever.

To this my neighbour jokingly replied "ooh being released into the Big Bad World?"

Now at the time this comment had absolutely zero impact, I probably replied with a joke. When did this sentence really hit home? Oh about 10 hours after the conversation when I was deciding which musical soundtrack to listen to.

Now, I don't know if I'm having some sort of crisis or what - but I am never going to be in school again. Thirteen years of my life have been spent in education and truth be told - I didn't hate it.

Or at least I didn't hate all of it.

The exams, the stress, the awful teachers and the other students that possess the qualities that highly suggest that in later life they will be terrible humans? Yeah no. The phrase "school days are the best days of your life" has always bothered me. The only people I can see that applying to is the individuals that enjoyed making others lives a misery within a classroom.

Looking back I notice each school year significantly improved. Primary School was spent moving from person to person never truly feeling liked and waiting for them to leave me because they've found someone better. Which pretty much always happened. Learning to stay quiet because being told that "you should stop butting in" is really a request for you to stop giving your opinion all together. Hearing a teacher tell your mother that it's "wonderful she's friends with everyone" was not the greatest thing because truth be told, I wasn't friends with everyone. I was more like a spare part desperately wanting to fit in and not knowing how. Naturally my first year of secondary school was spent the same, the feeling that I wasn't fitting in and that those girls in the corner were laughing at me hadn't gone away. Through Secondary School I mostly stayed quiet, trying not to get noticed because conflict really isn't my thing and somehow, across the years, I managed to make friends that I think like me most of the time. So yes, the social side of school had definitely improved over the years.

Academically? Well for some reason I excelled. Placing importance on getting A's and trying to not to show intense disappointment over a grade C whilst my friend cried over her grade D's. In fact, I would probably be a lot happier if I didn't push myself to get the absolute best grade. Truth be told, when I think about it, the only aspect I enjoyed was the learning. You can't get anxious over learning information - unless you have to teach it to a whole class during a ten minute presentation.

Is the world outside school Big and Bad? The school environment isn't exactly a peace garden full of daises and roses. Yes you have literally no responsibilities within school and you can easily see your friends everyday with no hassle, but the social dangers school creates literally turns that potential garden into a war zone.

When I think about it, I have absolutely no idea how to function in the real world. Taxes? Nope. Getting a job you enjoy? Nope. Realising what you actually want to do with your life? Nope. Buying a house? Nope. Actually having enough money to buy a house? Nope Maybe I'll never know. I mean, I'll probably learn how to do the whole taxes thing - I wouldn't survive in jail.

But for now, I have a three month summer before university. Whilst my hopes about getting into my first choice have dwindled slightly due to a certain moral bankruptcy phrase and a unit four biology paper, I know for a fact I won't ever be returning to school. I also know I have no idea how I'll be spending these three months. I do have a job now, someone clearly thought I was employable so there's that. I have a lot of books to read. I recently signed up to netflix and now I have a huge list of TV shows to watch. I have a blog that I've regretfully neglected for months. I have friends that I'll never share a lunch table with again.

From this side, the world doesn't seem that Big and Bad. It seems full of opportunity and excitement. I suppose, this is the exact opinion I'm supposed to have.

I can definitely hear all the adults sighing, the naivety of the young.