Long Time No See

Read the following section very carefully, this was written by a girl who had hopes. Had dreams. Had positive expectations for the next few hours. She was definitely planning on typing the blog post up the moment she arrived back at university. This is being typed three days later so you can only imagine the ending to this story.


I've been spending a lot of time on trains recently. In fact, I'm on a train right now writing this. What a cliche. It probably doesn't help that I have my hair in what can only be described as a messy bun and I'm also wearing a huge scarf and dungarees. 

It's November and I can no longer ignore the fact I am officially a university student. Studying for a degree like a human with educational ambitions and what not. I suppose it would feel more real if I had more contact hours and didn't spend 90% of time in a state of "well I hope this is correct someone please help me." I'm basically paying £9000 to sit alone a read books, what a good use of money. 

Back to the train situation - I am really not built for this travelling malarkey. I am probably on several peoples hit list for bashing them with my bags. I am small, it's difficult to reach the overhead shelves okay angry adults that glare at me??

That being said, I don't particularly hate trains - just the fact I have to carry heavy bags everywhere. It doesn't stop me though. For instance today I'm heading back to university with a heavy rucksack and two more heavy bags. I will definitely regret this when I get back to my flat with aching limbs and tears running down my face.

Height is proving to be both an issue on trains and at university. I am convinced my flat was built specifically for the taller individuals walking among us because I can't open any of the windows without having to stand on some sort of furniture (kitchen work surface, toilet, bed for example)

I've also decided to become a parent of two tiny cacti. I've been told they will grow into larger cacti which is a bit daunting if I'm honest. I also haven't watered them since I bought them a month ago - maybe I'm not ready to be a parent just yet.



That, my friends is where train Megan leaves us. She got hungry and then listened to a podcast.

Back to where this all went a little wrong and stressful. If I had less luggage it might have been a bit easier, but I thought it would be clever to bring a good few books back to university and destroy my arms. Pulling up to the second stop of the journey, we were informed that on the line ahead a train had broken down and we had to wait until it had been fixed. I wasn't particularly alarmed by this, I was in no rush and my electronics had sufficient charge - I would have happily sat there for an hour or so to be quite honest. Ten minutes later, we were pretty much told that we were going to have to get on another train to reach Birmingham aka my destination. Now, I had no excuse but to follow everyone off the train to find the other platform (which may I add was extremely far away and I was beginning to regret the bags the moment I attempted to climb the stairs).

Long story short, I ended up catching four trains that day, arriving back to the flat an hour late wanting to sleep for about five years after struggling with my bags. May I also add a police officer on a bike passed me whilst I was struggling and all he had to say was "your bags look heavy" like really thank you for that observation kind sir I'm so glad you are protecting our streets. Jokes, police are good keep doing whatever you do and please help tired teenage girls carrying heavy bags.

All this made me forget to write up my blog post but here I am, typing, for you. To be honest, university in general has caused forgetfulness in relation to this blog. Big changes equals no writing apparently.

Although, I have been writing, I write for the university newspaper, Redbrick (www.redbrick.me plug plug plug). I'm a news writer now, how official.

I still haven't watered the Cacti and all that reading I'm paying £9000 for? Yeah I have a lot of it to do right now. I also need to go to the shop to buy things for vegetable lasagne. Meals that make 6 meals in one go is my new favourite thing, by the way.

1st July 2015 | Hottest Day Of The Year?!

Not going to lie, I'm not a huge fan of summer. Sure, it's nice to sit in the garden under the sun reading a good book. Sure, it's absolutely wonderful to go outside and not fear rain. Sure, it's lovely wearing dresses and sandals and hats. What's not so great? The heat. The warm, stifling heat that, to be honest, makes me want to roll around on the ground and weep. Except, I won't do that, because the ground is warm and my tears will probably instantly evaporate off of my face because it's so bloody hot.

As a Briton, I have spent a fair share of my time discussing the weather, if fact during my job interview I spent about five minutes talking about the horrific wind with the interviewer. Therefore, I use my nationality as justification for what this blog post will become (basically a huge complaint about heat and what not).

Now, I'm not adapted for the warm weather. I'm really not. I burn the instant I come into contact with the sun. Well, not quite. But I am currently nursing two arms that were victims of the sunlight on Monday. But yes, my pale complexion means I have no choice but to apply SPF 40 each day and the stickiness from sun cream is not the best thing in the world let me tell you.

Although, until today, I don't think I've ever felt enraged by the heat. There I was in the kitchen, cooking potato waffles having an okayish time when I started the get a bit warm. Y'know what, I thought, I'll open the door, let a bit of air in to cool this room down. Oh boy was I mistaken. Turns out, my kitchen / house in general was cooler than the outside world, which meant the instant I opened the door the room began to get warmer. WARMER. Naturally I had no choice but to shut the door and wait for the room (and myself) to cool down. Which took forever because air conditioning is a thing we don't have.

But why didn't I just go outside and enjoy this wonderful heat? Why? Oh let me tell you, humidity, that's why. I'm sorry, but what is great about sitting still in air that just feels heavy? Also yeah, those two arms that are burnt mean I can't go outside without wearing a cardigan. Let me tell you, that extra layer does nothing but make me even warmer.

I'm still baffled that people actually enjoy this weather.

I cannot wait for Autumn.

Taylor Swift | June 24th 2015

During the introduction of the I Knew You Were Trouble music video there is the following sentence (or utterance, because she's speaking it. Oh yeah, I remember things from my English A Level)

"I think, I think when it's all over it just comes back in flashes, you know? 

It's like a kaleidoscope of memories which all comes back"

I feel like this pretty much sums up my current emotion / memory state in relation to the 1989 Tour. 

It's been two days since the Manchester leg of the 1989 World Tour and I honestly still believe I was there. I sent a text message to my friend, jokingly describing how before, during and after the concert the experience wouldn't feel real. Well my jokes have become a reality because the fact I was stood in a crowd of 15000 people singing and dancing along to Miss Swift two nights ago? Yeah, it does not feel real. I have these memories of the night - the shaking and intense happiness at the beginning of Welcome to New York, the incredible speech's before Clean and All You Had To Do Was Stay and the realisation that there was only 30 (ish) minutes remaining when I saw it was 10.10pm. When you've waited so long for something, I guess it's expected to feel a little unreal.

The truth is that I have grown up with Taylor in my life, if my eleven year old self had not fallen in love with the fearless album I might not even be the same person. I'd like to think I wouldn't be so different but seven years is a long time to have someone in your life. Or at least influencing your life. 

My social media's no longer illustrate my inner Taylor Swift fangirl, but go back three or four years (especially on instagram) and everything pretty much linked back to the country singer that had pretty much taken my heart the day I hear Love Story playing on the radio. My social sites now are more personalised I guess, maybe it's a symptom of growing up or maybe it's because I've chosen to express more of myself online. Who know's, all I know is I still completely adore Taylor - how could I not? Her posters are still on my wall, her lyrics are still hand painted above my bed and a section of my shelf is still dedicated to her albums and merch. Although her influence within my life mirrors the stories of thousands, I still wouldn't ask for anyone else to look up to. 

I can still remember watching the music video for Teardrops On My Guitar and realising that "oh, this is the same girl that sings Love Story" and pretty much heading straight for YouTube to hunt for more music. Breathe and White Horse were the favourites. 

I can still remember the phone call with my Grandma when I asked for the Fearless Platinum edition CD for Christmas in 2009 because owning the songs digitally was not enough. I still remember trying to convince my Grandma that fearless was a real word. That phone call conversation was tough.

I can still remember buying Taylor's first album on the 27th December 2009 and having The Outside playing over and over again in my head when we traveled to the theater to watch a pantomime. 

I can still remember the Speak Now and Red albums arriving on the Saturday, two days early and taking my laptop to my Grandma's house so I could instantly listen instead of waiting until we went back home. 

I still remember writing and essay in year 9 analysing why Miss Swift was a good role model (or something. In the end it turned out I (and 99% of the class) had completely done the project wrong. Apparently we had to include proof that the individual had not been to jail or done drugs. I mean how are we supposed to get proof for that kind of information, seriously)

I can still remember the disappointment when I realised I would have to wait five days after the release date to listen to 1989 because I was in France. Visiting Paris kind of softened that disappointment because PARIS. 

I can still remember the sadness when we couldn't go to the Speak Now tour. The sadness when the Red Tour only went to London. I'm thankful for the internet, living vicariously through others has been great. (This may be taken sarcastically. It isn't, I swear.) 

I can still remember the complete joy when I walked out of English on the Friday morning to find out the we, Gaby and I, had finally managed to get Taylor Swift tickets. Like what. Us. Two girls who had been listening to Taylor for seven years were finally going to see her. Incredible. Impossible. 

Possible. Unreal. Amazing. (I can also hear my english teacher yelling because I've used the phrase "I can still remember" too many times.)

And so, at eighteen years of age, the age Taylor Swift was when we found her music, we finally experienced a Taylor Swift concert. Did I mention how dream-like this feels? 

We were in block 216 row M aka full on side view seats, five rows from the back of the arena. Was this a terrible thing? Well, I realised the moment I took my seat if I jumped too furiously I might fall to my death because we were so high up. In relation to the show? Yeah, I think we had pretty good seats mainly because we could see everything. We could even see the back of the stage which resulted in several exciting moments were we could all see Taylor when everyone else couldn't. Listen, I waited seven years for this the little things made me excited okay. It also didn't help that I'm fascinated with behind the scenes stuff. Did I mention that we all received free light up wrist bands? Yeah the effect of those looked pretty amazing from way up high. 

The truth is, I can't even begin to put into words what happened on Wednesday evening. I know that throughout the whole thing I was basically stood there thinking "HOW IS THAT TAYLOR SWIFT RIGHT THERE. HOW AM I HERE. HOW HAVE I NOT LOST MY VOICE YET. HOW IS THIS REAL. HOW IS SHAKE IT OFF ALREADY PLAYING."

There was a lot of external and internal screaming. 

The memories of Wednesday night come back in flashes. Like a kaleidoscope. I remember reading somewhere that when you think of a memory, you aren't remembering the actual event, but you are remembering the last the time you thought about the said memory. I'm glad I chose to watch, instead of trying to get the best videos and pictures possible (although the two video's I did capture? Yeah, I will treasure those for the rest of my life). 

The night of June 24th 2015 was magical and extraordinary. I was truly enchanted to be in the same room as you, Taylor Swift. 

Entering the Big Bad World

Let me paint you a picture, it's June 18th (a significant day for many reasons: It's my friends birthday, it's the first day of no revision/school work for about three months, and it's also the day I regretably told my Mother I would remove the revision piles that had appeared on my floor. By piles I just mean a huge mess. I did not want to clear it up), the sun is shining, I'm wearing a Harry Potter t-shirt and I'm in the kitchen making a cup of tea in an effort to motivate myself to tackle all the clearing, dusting and hoovering. To be honest, I would much rather be preparing to watch the new series of Orange Is The New Black.

I like to think this is the calm before the storm. Or the intense drizzle shower. It wasn't that dramatic

Meanwhile, outside in the sunlight that I wouldn't get to enjoy for a few hours, my mother and neighbour were engaging in conversation dedicated to gossip about our other nieghbours. Outside they were doing this. Outside with the high risk of the others hearing them. How embarrassing. Regardless, I went outside and joined them. Don't judge me, I pay my taxes. (I don't.) (Not that I have to yet, I'm 18 and unemployed for at least another month, so if any government individual is reading this I promise I'm not breaking the law.)

Anyway, after the scandalous gossip, that to be honest was pretty disappointing after I realised I didn't really care, my mum decided this was an appropriate time to announce that I had completed all my exams and that I was finished with school forever.

Forever.

To this my neighbour jokingly replied "ooh being released into the Big Bad World?"

Now at the time this comment had absolutely zero impact, I probably replied with a joke. When did this sentence really hit home? Oh about 10 hours after the conversation when I was deciding which musical soundtrack to listen to.

Now, I don't know if I'm having some sort of crisis or what - but I am never going to be in school again. Thirteen years of my life have been spent in education and truth be told - I didn't hate it.

Or at least I didn't hate all of it.

The exams, the stress, the awful teachers and the other students that possess the qualities that highly suggest that in later life they will be terrible humans? Yeah no. The phrase "school days are the best days of your life" has always bothered me. The only people I can see that applying to is the individuals that enjoyed making others lives a misery within a classroom.

Looking back I notice each school year significantly improved. Primary School was spent moving from person to person never truly feeling liked and waiting for them to leave me because they've found someone better. Which pretty much always happened. Learning to stay quiet because being told that "you should stop butting in" is really a request for you to stop giving your opinion all together. Hearing a teacher tell your mother that it's "wonderful she's friends with everyone" was not the greatest thing because truth be told, I wasn't friends with everyone. I was more like a spare part desperately wanting to fit in and not knowing how. Naturally my first year of secondary school was spent the same, the feeling that I wasn't fitting in and that those girls in the corner were laughing at me hadn't gone away. Through Secondary School I mostly stayed quiet, trying not to get noticed because conflict really isn't my thing and somehow, across the years, I managed to make friends that I think like me most of the time. So yes, the social side of school had definitely improved over the years.

Academically? Well for some reason I excelled. Placing importance on getting A's and trying to not to show intense disappointment over a grade C whilst my friend cried over her grade D's. In fact, I would probably be a lot happier if I didn't push myself to get the absolute best grade. Truth be told, when I think about it, the only aspect I enjoyed was the learning. You can't get anxious over learning information - unless you have to teach it to a whole class during a ten minute presentation.

Is the world outside school Big and Bad? The school environment isn't exactly a peace garden full of daises and roses. Yes you have literally no responsibilities within school and you can easily see your friends everyday with no hassle, but the social dangers school creates literally turns that potential garden into a war zone.

When I think about it, I have absolutely no idea how to function in the real world. Taxes? Nope. Getting a job you enjoy? Nope. Realising what you actually want to do with your life? Nope. Buying a house? Nope. Actually having enough money to buy a house? Nope Maybe I'll never know. I mean, I'll probably learn how to do the whole taxes thing - I wouldn't survive in jail.

But for now, I have a three month summer before university. Whilst my hopes about getting into my first choice have dwindled slightly due to a certain moral bankruptcy phrase and a unit four biology paper, I know for a fact I won't ever be returning to school. I also know I have no idea how I'll be spending these three months. I do have a job now, someone clearly thought I was employable so there's that. I have a lot of books to read. I recently signed up to netflix and now I have a huge list of TV shows to watch. I have a blog that I've regretfully neglected for months. I have friends that I'll never share a lunch table with again.

From this side, the world doesn't seem that Big and Bad. It seems full of opportunity and excitement. I suppose, this is the exact opinion I'm supposed to have.

I can definitely hear all the adults sighing, the naivety of the young.

Exams, absence and other things (Stream of Consciousness blog post SOCBP)

Oh yes, hi, hello, good evening, good morning. Look! I'm here! I'm writing a thing for this blog that I haven't touched since my birthday. I mean, I've checked up on you, made sure you were doing alright. A lot of people seem to have read my Summer School blog post. Summer School was almost a year ago and that fact makes me feel things.

But where have I been?

Well. Home. School. I live a wild and exciting life what can I say. The truth is, sometime after writing that 'dear me' letter, all my motivation and determination to write fizzled faster than a firework on Bonfire Night. And not in a good way. Just thinking about writing made me want to roll under my quilt cover and never return. In fact, the only time I felt like writing was at 3am and I live in a household where we turn the WiFi off at night (I KNOW), I couldn't exactly whip out my laptop and start typing could I? Well I could have done, but I didn't. What exactly made me feel this way though? Was it the fact that in total my A Level coursework was 1300 words? Maybe. Was it the fact the pressure to get AAB and get accepted into university is absolutely terrifying? Possibly.

Of course it's now, when my exams are only 17 days away, that my motivation and desperation to write returns. It actually returned a few weeks ago but the good student within in me basically told myself not to write until after exams (June 17th. Biology unit 5). But here I am, writing a bunch of nonsense instead of writing my biology essay.

I actually have no idea what I wanted to write in this post, I only had the idea that I should write ANYTHING other than my biology essay. A levels are truly draining guys. Honestly, I feel so much sympathy for those starting them in September because education changes have made them 100x more difficult than what they already are (but don't get me started on the changes regarding education - we'll be here all day and my biology essay won't get written). I mean, the difficulty level between GCSE and A Level is already the size of a multi-story building.

Are exams really stressing me though? I don't think so, I think it's the thing (*whispers* results day) after exams that's producing this crippling fear within me. To get into university I need AAB. Will I get AAB though? I know for a fact I can get those grades. If that sounds incredibly vain and self-centered then I apologise, but it's true, I can do it, the question is: will I be able to get those grades in my exams? *sigh* If only I had received an unconditional offer. Oh well. I'm pretty confident I can get an A in history if I know my stuff, an A in English? Sure, if the exam board mark my exam right and I analyse the texts to a high standard. Can I get a B in biology? Maybe if I go to AQA and cry.

In other news, it's Eurovision tomorrow. I'm excited. I'm probably too excited if I think about it. I'm also listening to the Hairspray soundtrack on Spotify and the 00's playlist advertisement has interrupted. It's also less than five weeks until the 1989 tour. I'm excited about that too. The Carmilla web series also returns 2nd June and my excitement for that is real and alive. I've used the word excitement too many times. I apologise to all the English teachers I have offended. If anyone from my future university is reading this I promise I write much much better than this. Please accept me.

What was this post.

I don't know.

'Stream of consciousness blog post' just became a thing, I guess.

Bye. I'm going to bury myself in revision and biology essay writing.

#DearMe

If you're the type to visit YouTube pretty much everyday, then like me, you've probably noticed the new tag video named #DearMe. Now it's not unusual for a video craze to spread around YouTube, but unlike the cinnamon challenge, #DearMe is all about focusing on the positives whilst talking to your younger self, preferably your teenage self - I think it's safe to say, especially with the influence of the media and social pressure, those aren't the easiest years of your life.

Now, somehow in the past day I became 18, yes, it is my birthday (yay woo celebration!). I have now entered that stage of life where I am an adult, but not really. Therefore, I have decided to make my own #DearMe. Whilst I do have my own YouTube channel (I know I never use it but come on) I have decided, instead, to use my written words instead of spoken words, because let's be real, I've always been better at expressing myself through writing than speaking. So here we go, younger Megan, I hope you're ready for what I'm about to say:

Thirteen year old Megan. Clearly having a great time. 

Present day. Eighteen. I've discovered the miracle
that is eyeliner. 

Dear me,

You've probably just written a letter to me. Or 16 year old me. Fun fact, you will forget the existence of that letter until you sit mortified on the leavers day as you read all the things you hoped. Things change, young Megan.

I would like to tell you that you do actually make it to the age of eighteen - a meteor hasn't wiped out the Earth yet. You're still kind of afraid of that happening though. Speaking of fears, most of them are still around. Snakes are still terrifying. Speaking in public? Horrible but you deal with it. Actually, I have a 10 minute presentation in two days. Wish me luck. You're also still kind of afraid fish and you still don't really understand why.

I think I'm supposed to give you advice or something. Or maybe I should just tell you how things change. I've actually only watched two of these videos, Grace Helbig's and Kaitlyn Alexander's. You don't know who they are? You will. In a few months you'll get a laptop, befriend Chloe and then you'll set up a tumblr and you will be introduced to the wonderful, yet terrible, thing called the Internet.

Firstly, things that haven't changed.

• Unfortunately, you are still the same height. You may think you're tall now, but trust me, being 5"3 at 18 when there are 11 year old's taller than you is weird. I actually quite like being short though. Although I did get ID'd when buying lemsip the other day. 
• You're also still friends with Gaby, she's now the same height as one of those skyscrapers in London so please keep mocking her for being short whilst you can. She never dyed her hair brown, so that's great, you can continue to be envious of her ginger hair. You do dye your own hair though, you dip dye it. It looks alright. 
• Megan, I'm happy to say you still read and are now the proud owner of over 100 books. Congrats. Wait until you find the dystopian section of young adult fiction, you will have an excellent time. 
• Taylor Swift? Yeah, it takes you 7 years but you're seeing her in 3 months with Gaby like you planned probably a few weeks ago. (I'm very excited and will probably cry)
• Your love of cities is still there, I actually went to Paris in October and it was wonderful. You also visited Valencia, oh yeah, you learn how to speak basic/terrible Spanish
• Do you want to be involved in the media? Of course you do, well your whole idea of becoming an actress failed when you didn't take Drama because of the teacher, BUT you are going to be studying History and English at university with the hope of becoming a writer afterwards. Which is pretty much the same thing. You prefer deciding how the story is told anyway. 

Here's the purpose of these videos, telling you're younger self things they probably should've heard. Let's be honest eleven/twelve/thirteen year old Megan, you need help and you need to stop some things.

• First of all, please, please stop trying to be 'cool' it's not worth it. Those people you want to be friends with? Complete idiots and soon you will begin to despise of their existence which appears only to be for distrusting lessons by asking stupid questions and nothing else.
•  Fun fact: you don't have to change yourself to fit in. People who don't accept you for who you are, are not worth it. I promise. In fact, some of the people you are friends with now, you won't be friends with in a couple of years, they'll change and go in a direction that no longer interests you. Don't worry you don't have a fight and there's no tears. 
• Another thing: I know this is difficult and not you're fault, but please don't feel so bad about how you look. And stop wishing for a boy to like you, there is really more to life than some teenage boy (who is probably gross) finding you attractive. I know it may look like everyone around you is in a relationship, but let's be real you're twelve, any relationship is not real. You are a hopeless romantic though, so I guess it's expected. 
• But seriously, your self-worth should not be determined by someone else, no matter who they are. At the moment you spend way too much time focusing on all then negatives, that's not you're fault, people are mean and you're surrounded by pictures of pretty girls who are sexualised in the media (in a few years you will have a feminist awakening and all of this will make you extremely angry, don't worry). So please stop focusing not the fact you aren't stick thin, your nose isn't the smallest, and your left eye still sometimes goes stop sleep and doesn't like begin active. You are funny, you are intelligent, your eyes are a decent shade of blue, and for the most part you treat other people decently. 
• Don't be afraid of looking like an idiot. Fun fact: Those who stand on the side judging others aren't having as much fun as those in the middle looking like fools. Looking like a fool is not a bad thing, in fact, that's how you'll have the most fun. Those who judge you for anything really aren't important, do not listen to them. 
• Don't be afraid of being afraid. You'll say no to a lot of things, don't worry you won't regret saying no, but saying yes once in while won't hurt either. When you're seventeen you'll sign up to spend a week at a university with a bunch of humans you don't know and you will be terrified, but guess what? That week will be amazing and you will have the most fun.
• Also please stop cutting your hair. And keep the fringe. 

All in all Megan, you're doing alright. You pass through secondary school pretty much unhurt. Some people will be mean, but the most traumatizing event has already happened to you - trust me, you will  learn in a few years that you didn't need that friendship anyway, anyone who tells you they don't want to be friends with you anymore because you aren't good enough doesn't deserve you. You get all A's (plus one B) in your GCSE's with an A* in History and biology. You'll learn how to drive and someone will decide it's okay for you to legally drive on the road. Everything will be okay.

I've enjoyed talking to you. If somehow, in my past I have discovered time travel, then I hoped this helped - obviously you need to forget all about this or else the future will change and then disaster. I don't really know, but we both watch Doctor Who so something bad will surely happen. I will give you one piece of advice - when a journalist asks you "what are you doing right now?", for the love of god do not say "I am at home" please say "I am doing my GCSE's", it will save a lot of embarrassment.

Goodbye my younger self, I guess.

Valentines Day?

Fun fact: I had actually forgotten it was Valentines day. It wasn't until I logged onto social media and saw either: A) People confessing their love or B) People complaining about their loneliness, that I realised - Oh yeah, its that day where love is everywhere.

Then I continued with my day. Which consisted of making oat cookies (which, by the way, are delicious).

However, seeing as it is the day of love and what not. Here's a list of the things I been loving recently-ish.

• Novels written by Gayle Forman. I was first intrigued to read her novel If I Stay after the trailer for the film appeared on my television. Whilst I liked the novel, it didn't 'hook' me like I expected. Nevertheless, I still bought the sequel Where She Went, which owns the same stance as the first, it's good but I've read better. Alas, I'm now reading Just One Day, persuaded by the idea of visiting Paris for one day (because that's basically what I did in October - remember?) and holy moly if you're interested in reading something by Forman then please go read this novel. I'm only half way, but w o w. Watch out for a book review - either here or on The Indiependent!
• The Indiependent. (Don't you just love it when points flow from each other?). Aaah yes, I can here you sigh, haven't you plugged this enough? Well, no. So go look at the page! I promise you will have a good time. 
• Instagram. Now, not to be narcissistic or whatever, but my instagram has been looking pretty good recently. The previous photography student within me sighs with pleasure each time I look at my profile. You should follow me if you like, the link is to the right, somewhere
• Ukulele. For Christmas I received a tiny red ukulele and it is currently one of my favourite things. I previously played the guitar, so I'm transferring the skills learnt about 5 years ago. I still struggle with the whole 'sing whilst playing' aspect - it actually makes my brain hurt. 
• The Sims 3. Aaah, I have reached that moment in my life where I want to play The Sims again. This phase will fade in a few days so I thought I would include it whilst I still like it. 
• Carmilla. Have I mentioned my love for this webseries on here yet? Probably. If you're interested, just YouTube Carmilla and have a great time. 

Alright guys, I will love you and leave you. I hope, whether you celebrate Valentines Day or not, you have had a good day. 

Panic by Lauren Oliver

Its undeniable that Lauren Oliver is a fantastic writer, if you've read the Delirium series you will understand this. It's extremely difficult not to fall into the universe Oliver creates and want to live there forever. I can't help but fall in love with the characters she portrays. It happened with the Delirium trilogy and it happened with Panic.

Has anyone else noticed how pretty much every new young adult fiction novel is compared to The Hunger Games? Teen Now Magazine follows this expectation. The  concept of the The Hunger Games is terrifying, yes, however due the immense popularity that element of fear has been watered down, actual children are being forced into becoming murderers yet everyone seems to focus the love triangle between Katniss, Peeta and Gale. I won't go into that subject, because to be frank I could go on for days and don't get me wrong, The Hunger Games is one of my favourite trilogies. I didn't spend New Years Eve ignoring my relatives for nothing. (Yes, I spent 2011/2012 New Years reading The Hunger Games, don't judge me.)

In my opinion, Panic does not deserve to be compared with the Hunger Games. Not because it's terrible, but because I wouldn't necessarily put the two into the same category. Panic is darker, grittier and more tense. I almost didn't want to turn the page in fear of something terrible occurring, because although it took me a while to warm to Heather and Doge I did generally want them to succeed. Split into two narratives, Oliver explores the lives of Heather and Dodge who both compete in the annual (and illegal) senior challenge, Panic, to try and win the grand prize which is usually over $50,000. However, to win this prize one must complete various challenges, some of which include crossing a high way blind folded, jumping over a cliff edge and staying in a haunted house over night. The risk of death is woven into each challenge, making the novel more tense. But why would these kids, (alright they are my age and if I was called a child I would probably be outraged but you see my point) risk their lives? Yes, $50000 would be wonderful, but the fact it, as we see with out two protagonists, it's not always about the money and if it is - it's ultimately about trying to achieve something better than their small town lives.

The novel begins with Heather, who finds herself impulsively joining Panic after witnessing her boyfriend with another girl. Heather's story, however, is not about a cheating boyfriend. It becomes apparent that Heather is responsible for looking after her younger sister, Lily. Their Mother is obviously not the greatest parent, unsurprisingly, it was easy to feel hatred and disrespect towards the character. However, it appears obvious that Heather is now in Panic for the cash, to provide for Lily and herself. Dodge, however, joined Panic to get revenge for his sister's accident, which left her in a wheel chair. Dodge hoped that the last challenge would include him and Ray, giving him the perfect opportunity to hurt Ray. Winning, would allow Dodge to pay for his sister's rehab. Although it took me longer to warm to Dodge's character (the need for revenge and his constant anger did get a little irritating), I found myself desperately wanting him to do the right thing. Whether he does or not, you'll have to read to find out.

Overall, Panic is a fantastic novel. If you're into gritty novels that have you wanting more as you metaphorically hide behind a cushion then this is definitely for you.



I apologise that I have been absent and the fact this is my only proper blog post for January, but I made the mistake of taking the Extended Project this year, so my focus was on writing a 5000 dissertation on the Suffragettes. Mock exams were a thing that happened that restricted my writing time. I may or may not have written this instead of doing History work - so don't say ignore you.

I'm joking, but now I'm leaving.

Goodbye.

(Ps, if anyone wants to recommend anything for me to read that that would be excellent! Following me on the social media's would also be cool)

My Life In Books - Indiependent Contribution

Apologies for waiting 12 days to actually write something here. Did you have nice new years? I almost slipped on ice, but then I ate Doritos so it was alright.

I'm here to talk about a little think I wrote for the Indiependent.

If you're familiar with the site (if not go look alright), you will know that they have weekly features, one of those features is"My Life In Books." My contribution to that went up a few days ago.

Reading has been a big part of my life since I was small. I still remember reading out loud for 10 minutes before school, and then before bed. A routine. This would lead to my tenth year where I would ask for a library card, the school library no longer satisfying my reading needs. The competition to be the child to review the most amount of books in the school year was also a catalyst. Between the age of 10 and 12, every Monday my mother and I would walk to the library and I would be able to chose a world where I would be able to live for the next few days. Somehow reading became almost as necessary as oxygen, a love that would direct my educational path and career choice.

Please go read My Life In Books which describes my attachment to books such as Matilda by Roald Dahl and Oliver Twist.

I recently read Lauren Oliver's new book Panic, so expect a review on that soonish :) 

Goodbye